I’ve made mention of the fact that I’m in a Christian-based recovery/Twelve Step Group. Like it’s secular counterparts, when we are introducing ourselves, we say “I’m [First Name] and I’m a [addictive behavior] addict.” Such as, “I’m Jim, and I’m a codependency and relationship addict” or “I’m Alec and I’m a sports addict.” While I introduce myself in like manner, I know that my admittance of being a recovering addict is in no way reflective of my identity.
What does that mean? It means that at my core identity, I am NOT an addict. That it doesn’t define me at the core. What does define who I am? The New Testament says that I am seated with Him in the heavenly realms, and that I’ve been predestined to be holy and blameless before the beginning of time. It says that I’m no longer under condemnation but have been justified by faith in Christ Jesus. It says that God no longer counts my sins against me, but instead calls me a friend and a saint. Did you hear that? I’m a Saint! Even the church memebers in Corinth, which was amok with sinful practices, were still called SAINTS!. That’s right – their core identity because of Christ within them was that God the Father looked down and them and saw holy, righteous, blameless saints. Hard to fathom, but true nonetheless.
A better phrase for saints who are in Christ would be “I’m Arthur, a saint who struggles with anxiety.” Or “I’m Tyler, a new creation, who has lingering challenges with pornography.”
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
"GOOD !!"
I really felt as though I heard from God so clearly this week. Really clearly.
For those who don’t know it, I’ve been in a Twelve Step/Celebrate Recovery type group since February. It takes a lot of humility and is mildly terrifying to go to a place where the very 1st core principle is to admit that one’s life is, at least on some level, unmanageable. Yikes. What an affront it is to one’s masculinity to make such an admittance of failure….or at least that was my perception at the time.
Six months later, I decided to start working a 12 Step workbook along with several of the other men in the group. The process of self discovery, disclosure, and repentance was a painful yet necessary process that has produced much growth, happiness and hope in my life. I can’t believe what has transpired in my life since the painful breakup that spurned so much of this growth forward. So much of it is borders on earth shattering and miraculous.
Steps 4 and 5 of the 12 Steps require that you make a fearless moral inventory and then to admit that inventory to God, to yourself, and finally to another human being. As I was busy admitting this to God Monday night, I kinda hung my head and said “man, I feel like so little of me is left.” This was because part of the admitting in my own life has gone hand in hand with large-scale surrender – more surrender than I ever thought was possible. I was really bummed about this, and wondered if I truly had anything left for God.
While still in that moment of lamentation and completely out of left field, I heard a joyful voice in my head say “GOOD !!!!” As in “you feel as though you have nothing left of yourself? GOOD !!!” And then I started to giggle, because if I’ve ever heard from God, then I heard from Him in that moment – not a doubt in my mind.
And since “living the Christian life” really means letting go and surrendering and letting Him live His life through me, then this makes total sense. God would be excited that I’ve come to the end of myself, as living in the Spirit would elicit this kind of reaction from God. And I need not lament the movement of “dying to self” in my own life; on the contrary, I can rejoice at such gracious and better stuff coming
For those who don’t know it, I’ve been in a Twelve Step/Celebrate Recovery type group since February. It takes a lot of humility and is mildly terrifying to go to a place where the very 1st core principle is to admit that one’s life is, at least on some level, unmanageable. Yikes. What an affront it is to one’s masculinity to make such an admittance of failure….or at least that was my perception at the time.
Six months later, I decided to start working a 12 Step workbook along with several of the other men in the group. The process of self discovery, disclosure, and repentance was a painful yet necessary process that has produced much growth, happiness and hope in my life. I can’t believe what has transpired in my life since the painful breakup that spurned so much of this growth forward. So much of it is borders on earth shattering and miraculous.
Steps 4 and 5 of the 12 Steps require that you make a fearless moral inventory and then to admit that inventory to God, to yourself, and finally to another human being. As I was busy admitting this to God Monday night, I kinda hung my head and said “man, I feel like so little of me is left.” This was because part of the admitting in my own life has gone hand in hand with large-scale surrender – more surrender than I ever thought was possible. I was really bummed about this, and wondered if I truly had anything left for God.
While still in that moment of lamentation and completely out of left field, I heard a joyful voice in my head say “GOOD !!!!” As in “you feel as though you have nothing left of yourself? GOOD !!!” And then I started to giggle, because if I’ve ever heard from God, then I heard from Him in that moment – not a doubt in my mind.
And since “living the Christian life” really means letting go and surrendering and letting Him live His life through me, then this makes total sense. God would be excited that I’ve come to the end of myself, as living in the Spirit would elicit this kind of reaction from God. And I need not lament the movement of “dying to self” in my own life; on the contrary, I can rejoice at such gracious and better stuff coming
Monday, October 19, 2009
40 Years in the Wilderness
I think we’re on the cusp of something….let me explain.
I’m getting more and more into numbers – and I want to share what I felt like the Lord impressed upon my heart today.
The Isrealites, before they could enter the promised land, wandered in the desert for 40 years. 40 years of punishment because of the lack of faith of 10 men, who said that the Jebusites, Hivites, Amorites, and Girgashites were too formidable. “We’re like grasshoppers compared to them!” the 10 said.
Likewise, I think America has been “wandering” for 40 years in its own desert of kinds – and it has to do America’s worship of sex. Think back to when this started….the free love movement…Vietnam, the hippies, with Bruce Springsteen’s song “Summer of ‘69” being the overarching meta-song that encapsulated so much of that era: sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Not to be missed is the slang use of the number 69 in a sexual context.
1969 would have been 40 years ago…exactly. The summer when so much went wrong in America is about to have run her 40 year judgement. The summer of 2009 just ended 7 days ago.
And already I’m seeing changes in the landscape. Men by the hundreds are now seeking to have accountability in their internet surfing. I’ve talked to not 1, not 2, but 4 other men who just have had extended periods of sexual abstinence (from pornography, masturbation, and illicit contact) that started about the same time mine did. And many more that are in my 12 Step/Celebrate Recovery Group.
Lots of things happened in 40s in the Bible – Moses had 2 40s (in Pharoah’s house, tending the flocks of Midian). The Israelites in the desert, Jesus in the wilderness, the number of days of rain on the earth during the flood. Even the book of EXODUS, which refers to the people leaving….has FORTY chapters.
I think it’s time for a second “Sexual Revolution” and I’m praying into that. A sexual revolution that’s characterized by men and women changing their beliefs about sex – that it’s no longer to be enjoyed with anyone other than their spouse. That it’s NOT to be enjoyed by one’s self in a fantasy context at a strip club, in front of a computer, or with an unmarried partner. That it’s not to be dwelt on in mind or heart. That’s my kind of revolution – a return to God’s standards with these 4 C’s:
Courage – to repent and to humbly seek help
Confession – to dare to speak openly about what has been hidden for SO LONG
and
Contempt for accepting any kind of Compromise – whether it be things as innocuous as magazine covers, checking out women at the beach, etc.
I’m getting more and more into numbers – and I want to share what I felt like the Lord impressed upon my heart today.
The Isrealites, before they could enter the promised land, wandered in the desert for 40 years. 40 years of punishment because of the lack of faith of 10 men, who said that the Jebusites, Hivites, Amorites, and Girgashites were too formidable. “We’re like grasshoppers compared to them!” the 10 said.
Likewise, I think America has been “wandering” for 40 years in its own desert of kinds – and it has to do America’s worship of sex. Think back to when this started….the free love movement…Vietnam, the hippies, with Bruce Springsteen’s song “Summer of ‘69” being the overarching meta-song that encapsulated so much of that era: sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Not to be missed is the slang use of the number 69 in a sexual context.
1969 would have been 40 years ago…exactly. The summer when so much went wrong in America is about to have run her 40 year judgement. The summer of 2009 just ended 7 days ago.
And already I’m seeing changes in the landscape. Men by the hundreds are now seeking to have accountability in their internet surfing. I’ve talked to not 1, not 2, but 4 other men who just have had extended periods of sexual abstinence (from pornography, masturbation, and illicit contact) that started about the same time mine did. And many more that are in my 12 Step/Celebrate Recovery Group.
Lots of things happened in 40s in the Bible – Moses had 2 40s (in Pharoah’s house, tending the flocks of Midian). The Israelites in the desert, Jesus in the wilderness, the number of days of rain on the earth during the flood. Even the book of EXODUS, which refers to the people leaving….has FORTY chapters.
I think it’s time for a second “Sexual Revolution” and I’m praying into that. A sexual revolution that’s characterized by men and women changing their beliefs about sex – that it’s no longer to be enjoyed with anyone other than their spouse. That it’s NOT to be enjoyed by one’s self in a fantasy context at a strip club, in front of a computer, or with an unmarried partner. That it’s not to be dwelt on in mind or heart. That’s my kind of revolution – a return to God’s standards with these 4 C’s:
Courage – to repent and to humbly seek help
Confession – to dare to speak openly about what has been hidden for SO LONG
and
Contempt for accepting any kind of Compromise – whether it be things as innocuous as magazine covers, checking out women at the beach, etc.
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